Divorce

I've talked about divorce on this blog but, from the titles, I haven't centered a discussion about it. After last week's Sunday School lesson, I thought I'd share some thoughts on it.

Jesus told Peter that we should forgive our brothers 70 times 7 times if he causes offense and he comes asking forgiveness. But, God considers marriage a sanctified place. Remorse is totally different than repentance. Remorse is hollow. A good example is Judas who was filled with remorse of what he had done… but, no repentance.

If the husband (as in my case) is remorseful but calls it repentance and then a year later does the same thing with two whores... that is a covenant breaker. God gave permission for my divorce because of fornication on my husband part with no repentance and no change of heart even after 3 years of waiting for him to do so.

When Jesus talked about adultery and divorce in Matthew 5, He was clarifying divorce was for one thing only and that was infidelity, period. The Jews had devised all manner of divorcements from burning food to too much salt to dusty houses. Those were frivolous and Jesus clarified that fornication was the only reason for divorce contrary to what the going thing for divorcing was of the day or even as far back as Moses. In Moses' day, the Bill of Divorcement was a Certificate of Innocence which freed up the divorced person from any guilt and allowed them to remarry without the stigma of adultery. A guilty, dismissed spouse was not given a Certificate of Innocence and thereby had the stigma of adultery. Stoning was the penalty and the determination of guilt was through drinking some concoction in front of the Priests. If the woman survived the concoction without becoming sick or dying, she was innocent of infidelity. That practice had gone by the wayside during Jesus’ day. This could have been what Jesus had written in the sand when they brought the woman caught in adultery.

That's just speculation on my part, though.

Isaiah 50:1 God asks the question, 'Where is the scroll of your mother's divorce that I have put away?' There wasn't one because Israel was guilty of adultery. Then in Jeremiah we see the lists of things she was guilty of... there is no innocence on her part nor on the part of Judah.

The Bill of Divorcement was the decree of innocence of the "put away" wife. Joseph was going to quietly "put away" Mary because he knew he had never impregnated her, therefore she must be guilty of adultery. Quietly meant no bill of divorcement to be declared in the courts for he truly thought her guilty. Secretly putting her away, but she would still have the child which would declare her guilt... he could not give her a Certificate of innocence.

Then God stepped in by sending an angel to declare her innocence to her betrothed husband. Joseph immediately got up in the middle of the night and took her to wife as God commanded. The Declaration of Innocence was the release of obligation of legal matrimony. Jesus did not repeat the "write her a bill of divorcement" in Matthew 5:32.

If anyone kicks out or sets at liberty a wife without that Certificate of Innocence then that man causes her to commit adultery. There is no "if she marries again" clause in there. It is assumed that she will marry again. It is the guilty husband who causes the sin.

However, Jesus set everything back into place when He declared that divorce was only permitted in the case of fornication. When two people are Christian and they are married, divorce is not an option. Just as we are to forgive our sisters and brothers in Christ 70 times 7 times, we are to depend upon the LORD to work in the hearts of our Christians spouses, to draw them back into His will and His relationship. This requires much prayer and trust and leaning on God to work.

Divorce from unbelievers is different. Paul tells us not to seek divorce from our unbelieving spouses, but if they desire to split, we are not to fight it and we are not obligated under law (1 Cor 7:15) as Christian married couples are. How do we know if we are married to a believer or an unbeliever? By their fruit. That is the only way. I fear, though, some folks will get to Heaven smelling like smoke, for their fruit is sparse.

Forgiveness is commanded by Jesus. Wallowing in anger and resentment only builds a wall between us and God and serves no purpose for the object of our anger. God truly does protect His children and He really will take care of the chastisement. The key is allowing Him room to work in the heart of our spouse.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

thank you for sharing this. i'm not thinking of divorce or anything like that but these information are helpful in case somebody asks me about it. we don't have divorce here but we do have annulment.

Anonymous said...

AMEN my sister! I MOSTLY agree with what you have shared. My only disagreement, which may just be more of a misunderstanding is about the unbelieving spouse. From my understanding it says if a spouse is not "pleased to dwell."

If a person is pleased to dwell, they will behave as such. If their behavior speaks the opposite, even if they are in the same home...are they not departing by their unpleased to dwell offensive attitude?

And if I understand correctly, the verb actually meant a mutual being pleased to dwell. So that would mean a content marriage even though your spouse is unsaved. That is an unsaved spouse who still treats you with love and understanding. And through that marriage they are learning about God's grace, mercy, and love lived out through example of their union with each other.

What do you think?

I miss you sis and love you much, Julianne

Refreshment in Refuge said...

It seems that you are saying the same as I.

The way I read it, Paul seems to be saying that it is by the unbeliever's choice whether to stay or to separate... for the greater good of the unbeliever's soul, who knows if the unbelieving spouse should become a Christian because of the believing spouse?

The word Paul uses is "depart" or

χωρίζω
chōrizō
kho-rid'-zo
From G5561; to place room between, that is, part; reflexively to go away: - depart, put asunder, separate.

Paul also says that we are called to peace, so separation for the sake of peace would be considered a good thing... and he says that the believer is not under bondage if the unbeliever leaves.

To me that is clear as a pike staff.

The crucial thing about Jesus' admonition is that He was calling direct attention to the frivilous divorces that Halliel (a rabbi of Jesus' day) was spouting. According to him, if a wife stepped slightly off The Line, then she should be divorced. To me, that is the height of frivilous divorces.

Another thing about divorce in that day, only the man could divorce the woman. Not so, with the Jews, because Paul said for the woman believer to stay with the unbelieving husband if the husband chose to stay. That says to me that Jewish women had it pretty good as far as human rights go.

Is that how you read it?

Valerie said...

Wishing you a blessed THanksgiving, my friend!

Nappily Evah Aftah said...

Tuff sayings, girl! I often say that as Christians, we don't know what it really means, when we recite those vows. We SAY "for better or for worse", but do folks really realize what they're vowing to do? I really wonder, sometimes. What if "for worse" is much longer, than you ever thought it could be?

However, I think there has to be balance. I would NEVER stay with a man, if I felt my physical being was in danger — that definately includes, but isn't limited to, sexually transmitted diseases.

Some married sistas receive HORRIBLE counsel, from well-meaning, but faulty-reasoning believers. I know of two women, who were killed (one due to physical violence, and another due to AIDS) by their husbands, because they wouldn't leave — after receiving counsel that they should "forgive, pray and endure". Sorry, but I don't receive that.

I can forgive you — that's a commandment. I can pray for you. That's definately God's will. Now, whether I could/should remain the wife of an abuser or not, is another story — which takes much prayer, and a heart free of a self-seeking agenda. There is a thing called "separation", and if nothing else, get yourself AND your children to a safe place, where you can think and pray, and seek God's face.

It's one thing to be wise and have a heart to do God's will. It's another to be just...stupid, and end up leaving your children without a right-minded parent.

Again, hard stuff. Maybe that's why I've never married — AND am so okay with remaining unmarried.

Refreshment in Refuge said...

AMEN! I totally agree. I find it so difficult to watch those misguided young and old women who stick it out regardless of their personal or mental harm. That, to me, is stupid. God never meant us to suffer like that.