There is something terribly wrong with me...

... I have this vacant place in my chest... a hole that is sore and bleeding and quite ugly. My cheeks are wet and I can't breathe. I think that is a good thing. I don't want to breathe anymore.
Love is tender. Love is slow to anger. Love is all about the one loved. Love is thoughtful. Love is gracious. Love is wanting to be the one loved and wanting to be with the one loved. God shows me this every day. God illustrated this when He sent me the most wonderful man in the whole world. Lovely and loveable in every way.

Why would God give me the most beautiful gift I have ever received since my two daughters and then allow it to be snatched from my chest? I do not understand how God can tell two people the complete opposite. Something is at work here that is not of God and I do not know what it is. I was content with my life before I fell in love. I was so completely satisfied with my life after I fell in love. Now... I do not know what the future holds. I do not want to go back to the way it was before. So. I ache. I hurt. My bones are dried up. And I pray.

7 comments:

Samantha said...

Gina-

I'm not sure what happened, but I'm praying for you.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Refreshment in Refuge said...

Thank you, Samantha. I pray for you and Michael, too. I cannot tell you how much that means to me!

Anonymous said...

Dear Gina,

I am so sorry for your anguish. I will lift you and the situaton up in prayer.

Your brother in Messiah,
Wayne

David Meigs said...

Oh Gina, I didn’t know. Hang in there my friend. I’ve already started praying.

Pilot Mom said...

Oh, no, Gina! I had no idea! Sweet Sister, I am praying FERVENTLY for you. This is good, it takes my mind off of myself, which is much better!

Oh, Lord, give direction to Gina. Give her discernment, wisdom and comfort. Lift her up Lord and set her feet on Your Word. May she gleen insight from Your Word. Oh, Lord, surround her with your strong arms. Let her head rest on you. Father, we know you are not the author of confusion. So we ask that you would make all things clear to both of them. We trust you, Lord, for the outcome. In Your Son's precious name I pray, Amen.

Nappily Evah Aftah said...

Ahhhh...Gina!

Sis, I know how you feel. You know what God is teaching me? I don't know if you read my posts about my recent experiences with "love and men", but here it is:

When God allows us to be in a relationship, He does not promise that the relationship will last forever. There is no stability in humans, apart from God. Jesus will never leave us, nor forsake us and that's the only "deal" we get.

When we take the chance to love another, we open ourselves (just as Christ did) to rejection and possible abandonment. Christ is indeed the only "Solid Rock".

My prayer is that you will experience the supernatural comfort of The Comforter. Your wounds will heal...in time. Continue to run to the throne of grace. You may never know the reasons for what happened. Sometimes we would feel so much better if we just..knew...why. But many times we must create closure and resolution, where there is none.

"Speculation" is a tool of the enemy. I know I can sit and work a situation in my mind, trying to figure out all the possible reasons why something went down. In the end, I'm discouraged and my need for answers is still unmet.

My prayers are with you. I feel your pain and while I can't take it away, I can appeal to my Father, who sits high, but looks low. He swoops down, like a moma eagle, ready to rescue her young. He's a strong tower. We can run to Him — there is safety. He will hide our soul.

I love you...
A Nappy Girl

Refreshment in Refuge said...

There is something so sweet about the way my siblings weep with me and then lift me up.

I haven't answered anyone here, really, because the knife wounds went bone deep. As God said throug the Hebrew writer, His Word is sharper than any two-edged sword and divides the spirit from the soul.

I have been praying through this asking for God to put the words of prayer in my heart and for Him to put His desire in my heart. And He has responded for me to wait in Him. That is something I do not do well... but, it is time for my lesson, so I strive to make an A on this test.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, my dear friends and siblings in Christ. I appreciate it so much and you will know when we get to Heaven,just how much your encouragement has meant to me!