The Wane of Etiquette

I have found the most delicious book on etiquette written by Sarah Anne Foster in 1869 or somewhere thereabouts. It is public domain and an ebook which can be found by clicking on the post title.

Never smack the lips when eating.

Never take a long, deep breath after you finish eating, as if the exercise had fatigued you.

Never make noises in your mouth or throat.

Never suck your teeth, or pass your tongue round the outside ofyour gums.

Never, even with cheese, put your knife into your mouth.

Never pick your teeth, or put your finger into your mouth. If you find you have a fish-bone in your mouth, cover your lipswith a napkin to remove it. It is better to be very careful to remove all bones before putting fish into your mouth. On no account spit the bones out upon your plate.

Never take the bones of fowl or birds up in your fingers to gnaw or suck them. Remove the meat with your knife, and convey it to your mouth with your fork, never being too eager to clean off every particle of flesh.

Wipe your finger tips, if soiled, upon the table napkin, never upon your tongue or the table-cloth. An elegant eater will never have occasion to think of his fingers.
Never use the table-cloth to wipe your mouth, you might as well use it in place of your pocket handkerchief.

Never remark upon what is placed before you, either in praise ordispraise of it.

Neither drink nor speak when you have anything in your mouth.

When you are helped, begin to eat, without regard to those who have already, or have not yet, been helped.

Never watch the dishes as they are uncovered, nor make any exclamation when you see their contents. Under no circumstances tuck your napkin, bib-fashion, into yourshirt collar. Unfold it partially and put it in your lap, coveringyour knees. A lady may slip a corner under her belt if there is danger of its slipping upon her dress, but a gentleman must be awkward indeed if he lets his napkin fall upon the floor.

No gentleman will ever settle himself in his chair, pushing back his cuffs, as if for a "set-to," at the table.

If you make any general remark, do not look up at the waiters to see what effect it has upon them. If they are well-trained they will not move a muscle at hearing the most laughable story, nor will they give any sign whatever that they have not closed their ears like deaf adders to all that has been going on. In any case, however, you must refrain from noticing them. If you want anything, take the occasion of a waiter being near to you, to ask for it in an undertone. To shout out "Waiter!" or order one about, as if you were in a restaurant, is a certain markof ill-breeding. Unless the party is a very small one, general conversation is impossible. In such a case, you must converse with those on eitherside of you, not confining your remarks exclusively to one.

As I have been reading this most enlightened etiquette book, I have noticed such a drastic and, sorry to say, great chasm between the mid-nineteenth century and today. Not just in years, but in everything that is genteel and courteous. I read these dos and don'ts and I can remember my mother teaching some of them to me, like a gentleman should always remove his hat in church. When I grew up, gentlemen did not wear hats. They were call caps and baseball was always said in front of it. Baseball cap. I remember gentlemen opening doors for me and greatly watching their language when I was in the room. Now, I see all kinds of foul things on the internet and within my hearing if I'm not careful about what movie I'm watching. It makes me want to cry out, "Oh, Jesus, come quickly!" Then the faces of people I love flash in my memory. People I know do not have Jesus in their hearts and I say, "Wait, Lord Jesus, get them; gather them like a hen gathers her chicks. Continue just a little longer until they finally get it." So I will bear the crassness of today, just so the lost will have a bit more time to come home.

4 comments:

Corry said...

Good post Gina.

I too see how much has changed in just a few decades (sounds old huh? haha), but it is almost like there is no limit anymore to what can be and is said and done. Everyone seems to expect to have the right to. But there are limits. And it is God who sets them, not us. It is good to know that one day Christ will reign and establish His kingdom:-)

God's Grace.

Anonymous said...

My parents had such a book of this type from my grandparents. It was a hoot to read how sober the author made pronouncements on proper behavior in public.

However my parents did teach me the basics of etiquette....so you would classify me as "old school." But presently there is a lack of teaching the basics of etiquette. So we have several generations that do not know how to behave in public. They talk loud at functions, leave their cellphone on during the movie, clip their finger nails in the resturant...ect. It makes me feel uncomfortable around them. We need to revive the basics of etiquette, morality and ethics in America.

Refreshment in Refuge said...

I just don't know what happened to etiquette. My mom had to work outside the home, but she still took the time to teach my sister and me how to act like ladies. I taught my two daughters how to act like ladies and I worked outside the home. It isn't a lack of time that is the reason a lot of people do not have common courtesy. I don't know what the reason is except the love of man will grow cold in the latter days.

Matthew Celestine said...

The contemporary decline in manners is very unfortunate.