I am not satisfied

Yesterday, I was lost in homesickness. You know, that aching and longing to be with the One you know the best in all the world.

I went to church and just loved studying our lesson about how God is God. He doesn't need us but we need Him desparately. I sang with all my heart that He is my All in All. I studied about the travails of Jesus as a baby when Joesph had to take his little family to Egypt to get away from Herod while my dear pastor preached from Matthew and Luke.

We didn't cook so we decided to order lasagna from Sonny's. I laughed and chatted with Linda at Sonny's Pizza when I went to pick up our lunch. On the way home, this wave of missing my dad washed over me. I miss him so much. Then I thought jealously about where he is and Who he is laughing and chatting with. A yearning so deep and so poignant rushed through me. I cried out, "Come, Lord Jesus, come and get me and take me to my real home, Father!"

Something must have happened because as soon as my daughter saw my face, she asked me "What has happened? Are you all right?"

Yesterday afternoon, I spent studying with my online Bible study buddies at Studylight.org., it would seem that would be enough. But it is not. I am not satisfied. I want more. Nothing here satisfies. There are instant gratifications that satisfy for seconds... smoking, alcohol, sex. They consume time with thoughts and with actions but they do not last even a tenth of the time that satisfaction lasts from true worship of my God. Sin has a way of enticing but not fulfilling.

Nothing here satisfies....

I have family, and it is sweet. I have a ministry and it is sweet. I have two Bible study groups (one online and the other on Monday nights). I teach Sunday School. I sing in the choir and the praise team and we have an ensemble... yet, that is not enough. It is enough that Jesus died for me and that He has saved me. Yet, I know in my Spirit there is more, so much more and I yearn for my Beloved Bridegroom.

And yet He is satisfied with leaving me here for a time. But soon... soon... We will dance on the streets that are golden and every tongue and tribe and nation will join in the Song of the Lamb. On that day, what a glorious day, we will be satisfied. We will be filled with the Wedding Supper of the Lamb. No more tears, no more longing and yearning for something just beyond reach for it will be there, with Him that we will be satisfied.