Satan’s Lie Number One…
· There is only one true love for a person.
Love is a choice. A couple must literally work at the relationship in order for it to remain healthy.
Another Lie is, when a person finds “true love”, then it’s smooth sailing after that: No work, no problems, no conflicts. Prince Charming and Snow White kiss, fade out to the sunset and no more conflict, no more problems. If you have lived past your second decade you know this is False. One only has to glance at all the Christian books about Love such as Gary Chapman’s book, Five Love Languages, to know that Love is Work.
I didn’t date much in high school. I was only thirteen years old when I started high school so I had to wait two years before my folks would let me go out with a boy. I had a date to the Sweetheart Banquet at our church the year I was fourteen, but there were three other couples in my friend’s huge 1950’s car. That was a group date and we were packed in like sardines, but it was so much fun.
I started dating when I got to college. That was great fun, too. I was going out with four different guys at that same time. I’d forget what I’d told who about what so I often repeated myself. There was one that was truly sweet. He was tall and a bit skinny. I’ve totally lost touch with him so I dare not use his real name, so I’ll call him Ken. This guy was going to be an engineer. He was steady and he was unflappable. I told all the others, “Ta ta, bubye,” and continued dating Ken for awhile. He was from a near by town and went to church there which is why we never went out on Saturday, only Friday. After about three months, he started to seem boring to me. I wanted dash! Excitement! Verve! To live on the Edge! Ken wasn’t any of that. He was very good looking. He was staid. He was predictable, even though he did make me laugh quite often. I let him go, too. Told him I wasn’t ready for anything serious and if that was what he was after, then he’d better find someone else. He never called me again.
There was a series of guys that I had one or two dates with; even did the computer compatibility dating thing. (I found out when I went back to college in the Fall of 2004, that those computerized dating gigs were purely for research and not for hooking up guys and gals… is that a hoot, or what?) I never found THE Guy: The one and only guy that had been specifically created to make me happy. There was always something wrong with them: hair too long, hair too choppy, bad breath, not tall enough, sloppy kisser, not enough excitement, not enough “bad boy”, kissed great but no job, didn’t need me.
That was the real reason, I think. I was looking for someone who needed me. If someone needed me, then, he would never let me go so our relationship would be solid. That’s what it was all about, right? Wrong. I was too immature to know any better.
Then after tennis one day, I met The Guy. I had actually dated his friend, fours years earlier, who fell down drunk at a Frat party. The Guy (only he wasn’t The Guy then; he was just a guy) had soothed my ruffled feathers and took me home. Four years later, I met him again. During those four years, he had gotten a girl pregnant, married her and then she ran off with his friend, so now he was in the process of getting a divorce. If I’d been more mature in the Lord, I’d have run the other way. Or if I’d understood my motivating Spiritual Gifts of Exhortation and Mercy, I’d have understood why I was drawn to this poor soul. He needed me. He had a great job. He asked me out. He had some “bad boy” in him. He was gorgeous, tall, good hair and breath and he had a car so I wasn’t the driver all the time. We started dating. He told me the reason I wanted to be around him all the time was because I was in love with him. I believed him. We got married. I got pregnant.
There wasn’t one thing about The Guy that was better than any other fellows I dated. Not one. In fact, there was a lot about The Guy that was far below the other fellows I had dated. But how can a nineteen year old discern differences, discern dangers? Perception is reality to so many, when that is not true at all.
I did not know at that time that love is a choice. We choose whom we love. Yes, chemistry has something to do with it. Some men just feel like brothers and friends while other men make you feel like you’ll explode into flames at their slightest touch. Yes, that is correct, I said men… plural.
Women are wired a bit differently than men are. We are more secure oriented than men, so we normally don't fall head over heels for someone who is a vagabond or a vagarant when we are older and have a healthy fear of insecurity. But, younger women who are safe under daddy's roof are not so discerning in character.
I was no exception.